What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
