I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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