I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Come see our sink grown plant.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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