very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
