Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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