I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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