You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
