if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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