well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The best revenge is premature balding
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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