it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
