so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
