my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
