Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
