Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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