I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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