I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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