Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
