...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
