So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
