I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
