his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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