I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
