you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize