Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
