woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
