Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Mom said you looked used
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
