And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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