Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize