what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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