We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
