i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
