took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
