sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
