It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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