I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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