I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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