Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
