We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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