Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
