Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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