i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
