Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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