Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
