y did u give ur computer a hand job?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
