Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize