Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
