Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
