just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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