It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
