You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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