Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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