I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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