Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
