So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
