Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
