i barfeds in our rink
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
