Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
