Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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