i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
