so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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