i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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