Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
