I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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