I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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