There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
