I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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