Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
