You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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