i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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