paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
