I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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