make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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