is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
