i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize