whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
