im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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