she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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