At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
