I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
