no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
