Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
