I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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