My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
