Swine flu. Run for my life!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
