She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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