I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
