I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
And then he peed in my hair
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