"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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