i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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