I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
