it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize