and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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