Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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